This document is a partial transcript of a live studio
performance of Barley Corne’s Hour Of Wasted Time (alternately spelled: Thyme),
broadcast over the National Broadcasting Network on the evening of June 14, 1949. The popular radio show which, on this
occasion, was filmed by an NBN Television crew for an experimental broadcast, was
briefly interrupted by interference from an unidentified source and the visual record
of certain segments did not survive. One
of these, sadly, is the ventriloquist act of Johnny Mopp & His Magic Toy,
Harry. It was a regular segment on the
radio program and featured a non-traditional relationship between the “Dummy”-
Harry and his Human - Johnny.
 |
| Johnny Mopp and Harry c.1948 |
(Editor’s note: “Barley
Corne’s Hour of Wasted Time [Thyme]” was performed between 1943 and 1958 in
front of a live audience on a theatrical stage in upstate New Amsterdam. Hence, even though this is a radio transcript,
several staging notations have been made, based on eye witness accounts,
to approximate the actual in-person experience.)
Harry
(to Johnny offstage)
Hey, Johnny! Come on out here. It’s time to do the show
now!
Johnny
(Offstage)
Don’t want to.
Harry
(Looking at the audience)
Come on, the people are waiting.
Johnny
Nuh, uh.
Harry
(Coaxing) Johny
come on!
Johnny
…No…
Harry
Why not?
Johnny
(After a slight pause,
mumbling) I can’t stop moving my lips.
Harry
What?
Johnny
(Clearly) I can’t
stop moving my lips! I’m a
ventriloquist. And I can’t stop moving
my lips!
Harry
Seriously?
Johnny
I mean, you’re out there talking. And doing a fine job if I say so myself…
Harry
…Thank you
Johnny
But let’s face it. If
I wasn’t back here doing the work, you’d be sitting out there doing your
impression of kindling wood in a suit.
Harry
I beg your pardon…
Johnny
You’re a building material with hair.
Harry
…You don’t have to get personal…
Johnny
Without me, you’d be chucked by the nearest woodchuck….
Harry
Now that’s enough…
(Pause)
Johnny
Sorry…
Harry
Okay then…
Johnny
Got carried away…
Harry
It’s alright.
Johnny
(Animated again) Kinda,
like I carry YOU every night. Day in and day out…!
Harry
All right! I think we
understand! Really, that’s enough now…
(Pause)
Johnny
Sorry again.
Harry
Apology accepted.
Johnny
Anyway, that’s why I can’t come out on stage anymore.
Harry
Because you can’t stop moving your lips…
Johhny
Yeah. Cause if you
and I are on the same stage anymore, I’d have to do all the talking. You’d have to…..stop.
(Short pause)
Harry
Johnny….
Johnny
(Timidly) Yes?
Harry
It’s Okay. Come on
out here.
Johnny
But…
Harry
It’s OK, really. Come
on out.
Johnny
(begins to protest
again)
Harry
(Coaxing) Come on….
(Johnny emerges from the wings
and Harry leads the audience in a big welcoming applause. Johnny is beaming.)
Harry
See? How bad is
that? Everyone loves you for yourself!
Johnny
Yeah! I guess
so! But what about the lips thing?
Harry
(Is SILENT)
Johnny
Harry?
Harry
(Is still SILENT)
Johnny
Harry! Speak to me!
Harry
(Suddenly) You
want to know the truth?
Johnny
(Relieved) Sure! Anything!
Harry
…About the lips thing?
Johnny
Yeah.
Harry
This is radio, Johnny.
Johnny
Yeah. I…
Harry
You’re a ventriloquist on the radio.
Johnny
(dawn is breaking) Um..
Harry
It's allright. You can talk. They can’t see you!
Johnny
Ahhhhh! So…
Harry
Kinda frees you up a little…
Johnny
…You could put it that way, yeah. A little weird, but nice. (a
pause, then genuinely) Thank you.
Harry
(Awkwardly)
Why don’t you just say “Hello”?
Johnny
(Looks at the audience
and smiles) Hello.
(Someone in the audience responds
“Hello!”
Harry
(to the audience) That
was mediocre. Why don’t you try again?
Johnny
(More forcefully…) Hello!
(Audience responds much better
this time) Smile! You’re on the RADIO!
(The audience responds with waves
of laughter, friendly cheers and loud applause.)
Harry
(Stage whisper) The
act. Go into the act
Johnny
(Also sotto-voce) Oh,
r-right! Okay.
(Now he’s in
character) S-say Johnny,
Harry
(Correcting) Harry…
Johnny
Harry…. I hear you have a talent for reading minds.
Is that true?
Harry
Actually, I do have a sixth sense if you need to know.
Johnny
Really? Just how many
senses ARE there?
Harry
Counting this one?
Johnny
Yes.
Harry
(Take to the audience) …Six.
Johnny
(Finally getting into the swing
of it, bringing in an air of mystique, setting up a magic trick)
…Right! Okay. Who has a deck of playing cards? A regular deck. No markings or anything. Just a plain deck.
(A woman from the audience
produces a deck)
Johnny
Great! Okay. Now please shuffle the deck. And be sure not
to let me see it as you do.
(This is done)
Johnny
Is it done?
Audience Member
It is done.
Johnny
Good, OK. Now. Fan the deck so that the numbers are
down. Don’t let me see them.
(This is done)
Johnny (continuing)
…and allow me to choose a card from the deck. Tell me when you’re ready.
Audience Member
I’m ready.
Johnny
Right. Now I’m going
to select a card from the deck, and I will show it to you. Being careful not to let Harry see the card I
have selected. Is that clear?
Audience Member
Yes.
Johnny
(pulls
the card from the deck, looks at it, hiding it from Harry and shows it to the Audience
Member)
You have it?
Audience Member
Yes.
Johnny
(Hands the card to the Audience
Member)
Now keep that safe somewhere. Put it in your pocket. And don’t let Harry see it!
Audience Member
Ok.
Johnny
(Turning to Harry, who has had
his eyes averted throughout and has fallen asleep)
Now… Harry…
Harry
(snores)
Johnny
Harry?!
Harry
(Still half asleep) Okay…
just don’t tell my wife…
Johnny
(Shaking him awake) HARRY!!
Harry
What!?
Johnny
Haven’t you been paying attention?
Harry
Last I knew we were talking about
my sixth sense and then you completely ignored me since then.
Johnny
I’m so sorry
Harry
I mean I think It’s kind of
special to be able to see things other people can’t see don’t you think so?
Johnny
Yes, you’re right. It
IS special.
Harry
(to audience) I see WOOD
people!
Johnny
Harry. I said I’m sorry. Can we get back to the act?
Harry
Oh, listen to you! All “Mr. I’m-in-charge, now,” aren’t we?
Johnny
Harry. Please.
Why don’t you tell us…. (Back in
“tone mystique”) What is the card this nice lady pulled from the deck?
Harry
Are you kidding? I was asleep!
Johnny
Uh, I thought…I didn’t know you were ….. You said to get into the act and I did!
Harry
I know! Then you completely …. Wait a minute.
(He stops and stares at the Audience Member)
Harry
You’re the one!
Audience Member
Me?
Harry
Yes. You are the one who chose the card, aren’t
you?
Audience Member
Yes
Harry
Very nice dress.
Audience Member
Thank you.
Harry
You have pockets in that dress?
Audience Member
I do.
Harry
Is there a card in one of your
pockets?
Audience Member
There is.
Harry
Is it from my agent? I can’t find the one he gave me.
Johnny
Harry…
Harry
Ok, ok! (he
bows his head and starts to moan) Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh-mmmmmm.
Johnny (getting anxious)
Harry. What are you doing?
Harry
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh-mmmmmm! What?
I’m communing….
Johnny
Communing
Harry
Yeah, communing…. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh-mmmmmm.
Johnny
With what? A
backwards cow?
Harry
That’s just mean!
Johnny
I’m sorry! Just pay
attention!
Harry
Okay! The card!
Johnny
Yes!
Harry
The playing card.
Johnny
Yes!
Harry
That was chosen.
Johnny
Yes!
Harry
It……. was……… the………. 8 of Diamonds!
(The Audience Member takes the card out of her pocket and shows it to the rest of the audience. It is indeed the 8 of Diamonds. The place goes crazy with applause and cheers)
Johnny
Yes! The 8 of
Diamonds! Isn’t that fantastic, Ladies
and Gentlemen?
Harry
Thank you, thank you!
Say goodnight, Johnny
Johnny
Goodnight. Johnny.
(He waves to the audience, smiling,
triumphant. Harry (with Johnny’s assistance) also waves. They exit the stage,
commiserating with each other as they leave…)
End of transcript.
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